Howard and I have a warm dynamic conversation about Virginia where we experience what his perspective of psychotherapy is by reflecting on our awareness of himself, me and each other.
Howard Kahn is an Assistant Clinical Professor in the Child Study Center at the Yale School of Medicine, where he teaches a yearly seminar in Family Therapy and supervises psychotherapy. He has also been a Visiting Lecturer in Law at Yale Law School (2012). Dr. Kahn has maintained a private practice of Clinical Psychology in New Haven since 1970. He is a graduate of City College of New York (1961) and of the University of Rochester (PhD,1970)
Howard explains his journey into therapy and transition into an awareness of the humanistic psychologies.
Lou Ferman had people who were teachers of humanistic psychology. Virginia Satir was one of these trainers. Howard shares about his first experience with Virginia Satir 1969 and described her as someone who cared about your experience and only that.
5:00 Howard learned from Virginia that there was a way he could be that was consonant to his being. Virginia was novel in her approach with family and how engaging communicative therapy.
7:10 Howard had an experience with Virginia during a demonstration where fell into a trance with her. She asked and cared about what she was feeling. This resonated with Howard as a way of doing therapy.
10:22 Howard said his connection with Virginia helped him grow his energy for intimacy. He felt supported for who he is.
12:00 Howard shares about how Virginia helped him overcome his fear of public speaking.
14:00 Howard said Virginia paid attention to what was going on with people, taking responsibility for themselves, how to be in relationships, but she did it in an interactive way.
15:33 Communicative intimacy...Helmith Kizer”? There’s a universal symptom he called ‘duplicity’ people were not congruent with thoughts and feelings. He promoted encounter. When my thoughts feels and actions are in line we are congruent. When we are paying attention to each other’s experience. My awareness of me, my awareness of you; your awareness of you and you’re awareness of me.
We communicate and share these levels. It’s the attitude of I’m fully aware and interested in you. It is a readiness and willingness to provide the full benefit of your being and to connect with someone.
17:40 What empowers us to be more connected? Howard shares to be in the present and to be in a flow together. Howard reflects on his own awareness of the present experience, his feelings and also our conversation. He describes it as an immediacy of experience with Virginia.
21:00 the freedom to be yourself and to emerge is a healing experience. The collection of healing moments is therapy. Therapy is a part of natural life.
22:51 the way we are in therapy is our natural form. That’s when we are at our best.
Howard shares about seeing a kid, his neighbor, who got hurt and how he went over to him. He describes the moment of contact.
25:00 Our ability to accept our feelings and the moments. Howard describes his experience of being present with the boy.
28:00 Howard talks about embodying theory. He talks about having an inherent valuing system (that of acceptance and compassion). This leads you to be curious and to be engaged. He talks about focusing not on fixing anything but being present.
33:00 Howard reflects on the experience of the interview so far as a demonstration of being present and engaging with communicative intimacy and how important this is for healing.
34:00 Howard asks Tim about his experience. We have a moment of connection.
36:20 Howard describes Virginia as awake and full of love.
39:30 Virginia said “I’m everyone you admire” Useful and nourishing other.
You’re the agent of your own action and experience. You never felt like Virginia was going to fix you. She helped you come into your own power.
42:00 We live our lives in fictional finalism. Quote by Alfred Adler.
45:45.What’s kept you connected? Howard shares that he feels energized by meeting people.
47:00 “I think you can be judicious and not judgmental” Howard shares that he gives people feedback based on his own experience.
“I want to love you without clutching, appreciate you without judging, join you without invading, invite you without demanding, leave you without guilt, criticize you without blaming, and help you without insulting. If I can have the same from you, then we can truly meet and enrich each other.”
― Virginia Satir
52:00 We talk about Self connection and self-esteem. There’s a transcendent , a communion...that is something bigger than an individuals self-concept, or feelings and thoughts about themselves. Howard talks about how we deal with the spiritual all the time. He describes the connection he felt being in the delivery room, with his wife, his baby the doctors.
58:00 Self-esteem is the outcome of Self-connection..
Being in a dynamic living process with each other or with life in general.
1:03:00 You are a manifestation of God’s will. You’re experiencing and expressing yourself is transcendent work, god’s work...
“I’m not here to meet your expectations and you’re not here to meet mine.”
Howard shares the last line “if we don’t it can’t be helped.”
“If you embrace one life, you create a universe”
1:09:09 Howard trusts that people will let go of their symptoms when we focus on connecting in the ways he is expressing (of being present, listening, being yourself) Something of what we want emerges in therapy.
1:13:29 Howard sees himself as a teacher of humanism. The processes that Virginia highlighted are part of the natural world. They are not specific to people or ideology.